I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
operation have a gay friend backfired
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
