so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
