I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize