You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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