i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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