Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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