Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it hurts more in the daytime
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
PANTIES FOUND
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