That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
