Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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