??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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