I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
