if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
