I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
