that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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