So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize