Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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