addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
