he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
