it was like his penis was on wheels.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
