I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
