My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
