you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
