the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
