We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
