Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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