At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
