dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
