I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
