I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
