I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
