I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
