You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
