why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Please don't give away my fajitas
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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