I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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