I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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