I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize