period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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