omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
