home. puking in laundry basket.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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