glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
