i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
