I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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