so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
