before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
