Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
