I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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