i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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