every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
high people should be assigned attendants
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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