yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
