Porn is love you can see.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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