It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
