How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
