Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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