We won't sleep together?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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