Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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