What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
His hands were made for my vagina.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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