I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
