There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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