i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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