he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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