I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize