So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
