you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
