Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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